i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
