you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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