Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
