9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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