i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My ass is underappreciated
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
