She is in my trunk
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
