just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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