My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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