someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize