Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
