Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
