Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
