Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
