the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
