Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i think i have two assholes
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
