she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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