you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
