hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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