Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
There's even glitter on my cock...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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