one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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