He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
