Having a random hookup so left but love u
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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