Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
thus making me awesome and them whores
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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