so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
