I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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