wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
a search helicopter?!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I would fuck him just for his dog
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
