dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
