i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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