that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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