You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
