jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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