I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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