You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
