Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
