it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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