Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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