My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I think i got beer on your cat.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
