just come out here and I will go home with you...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
