I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
