You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My room smells like vodka and shame
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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