We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
