I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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