but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
