Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
