you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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