I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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