I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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