Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
