I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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