Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
