Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
