is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
