Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
They are going to name an STD after you.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
