Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
