I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
