My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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