he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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