Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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