Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
