Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
