Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
