he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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