I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
