You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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