is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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