every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
