I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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